does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
