It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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