theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
