She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
