Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
