I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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