I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
