this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
