Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
