sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
