Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
