And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
