Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
