Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
