We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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