Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
