im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
