Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
