dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is my gift to your gina
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
