Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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