I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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