Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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