dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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