I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
