i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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