Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Terrible idea I love it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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