i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
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She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
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