I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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