i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
