I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
