dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
