marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
