i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the liver wants what the liver wants
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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