I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
