i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
