Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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