Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
