So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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