"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
