My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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