yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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