Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
