i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
