Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She needs sedatives and a leash
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
