After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
