Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
