If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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