I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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