News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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