I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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