i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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