My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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