Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
