The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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