Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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