the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
