I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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