He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is classic penis vs brain.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
