i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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