If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
