I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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