the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
do nipples grow back?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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