Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
