like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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