I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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