As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
