I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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