His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
