how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize