the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
