My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
