I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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