Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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