College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
