My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need a beard to bite.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
