Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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