Yo dont text me then not text me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
